auto-immune onslaught

So the whole "pregnancy induced ADD" was a minsnomer on my part, probably. Monday, I go in for an MRI on my brain to find out if I am dealing with Lupus Cerebritis.

Lupus is something that I have pretty much known that I have since the baby I lost just before getting pregnant with Leigh but never really sought out a full diagnosis. It was never really worth my time. I knew what things to avoid (too much sun, vaccinations, my children if they had been vaccinated, bean sprouts). The only thing involved with Lupus that has really caused me issues has been the anti-phospholipid antibody disorder. So once it was determined that I was not likely to give birth to any other children it became even less important to seek out a diagnosis/treatment for the very sporadic issues I experienced.

When we threw ourselves fully into adopting, I knew that getting a diagnosis of Lupus could possibly make it impossible to adopt... so, even when I started having some problems I avoided the doctor as much as possible. It was a bit difficult, especially when getting ready for our trip to Ethiopia. I had to research each vaccination that was determined neccessary or recommended for our trip to find out if it would be worth it for me to take (risks vs. benefits). I had some auto-immune responses to some of them, but most weren't so bad. The worse issue I had came after the TB test that was required for the physical. I was sick for weeks after that and had one week that my knees were so swollen that I could barely walk (some days I did the whole bottom scoot thing to get up and down the stairs.)

Anyway, for the last couple of months I have been functioning in sort of a fog. I felt okay, no confusion really, just not as sharp as my normal self. After the flu, though, I began having times where I would be very dizzy and fairly confused. I was hoping it would go away, and was related to the fevers, but it has not/was not. Thursday was my last day of work until after Ben is born, and I will be under several doctors care until they can get all that is going on under control. I also have stopped driving. Not driving is tough for me. I am a self admitted control-freak and I always prefer to drive no matter who is in the car. I just feel more confortable that way, but now I am forced to let go and let Doug do the driving.

All of that being said, it will be nice to not feel like I am not performing well at work. It has been something that has been bothering me for a while. I have felt like it was impossible for me to keep up with what is expected (both by myself and my management) even with the reduced work load they gave me. I am very grateful for my job, though. The company has excellent benefits, and will continue to pay me my full salary until I come back to work after Ben is born. My management is being super supportive, and I know they truly just want the baby and I to be okay.