Work, Money, and Teeth

I return to work next Wednesday. I look forward to it in many ways. I miss my friends. Although, I have spoken to many of my friends over the past 4 months that I have been away, I have only seen the friends that live nearby. This is because most of my work friends are male and I do not know their wives. I think women tend to put a little more effort into friendship, where as men are a little more on the passively opportunistic side "if you are around, we can hang out." This is also influenced by many people's attitude of women and men cannot be friends without something more going on... which is just plain stupid. Anyway, I work with very few women; there just are not a lot of us in the industry and we almost all tend to be opinionated, type-A tomboys, which, of course, can cause some conflict when we are working together and don't agree on the next steps to be made to solve a problem...

Have I mentioned that previously? I am a problem solver. My actual title is Senior Engineer (picked up that senior part this past summer, and I'm still lovin' it), but I don't design or build anything... I troubleshoot things (satellites, pieces of equipment, & communications links) that others have designed and built. I just, sort of, happened into this field, but, somehow, it ended up being a perfect fit. I am really good at my job. Who says that?.. but it's true. So, I miss the actual work that I do, as well. It's a certain type of mental stimulation that I don't really get when I am away from work.

Oddly enough, I also miss my commute. I miss the 45 minutes each way of alone time in my car singing along to music that only I need to appreciate. I don't have to hear "Mom, this song stinks, can you change it?", or "Hey, I was listening to that." I know that seems like a really inane thing to miss, but it is almost a form of meditation for me (at least when psycho, NASCAR-lovin' GA rednecks are not trying to kill me with their over-sized vehicles that they insist on driving 30 miles over the speed limit in the slow lane).

All of that being said there are some things about work which, well, suck. One of which is the need to dress up (at least a little). I would prefer to wear old jeans, t-shirts, and flip flops to work everyday, but they just don't allow it at my level. Somehow, this does not fall into the "professional" attire category, so I am required to at least appear to care about my appearance. Unfortunately, this time it has meant that I had to do some shopping.

My body has changed drastically since I first got pregnant with Ben. I am hovering around 32 pounds lighter than my first pregnancy appointment, and my dimensions are completely different. I fit properly into very few things that I wore last winter & spring. So, of course, this means that I needed new clothes. I absolutely hate shopping for myself, but Doug, Ben, & I took care of this yesterday.

We shopped for most of the time the girls were in school yesterday and found me around 8 outfits that I can mix up a bit. It sucked, because my shape is still not what I want it to be. I am satisfied with the clothing, but I wouldn't say happy. Luckily, many of the stores had really great stuff on the sales racks, so much of what I got was 50% to 75% off. I think several of the shirts were less than $10. This helps considering it was all purchased on credit. My stomach was killing me by the time we were finished shopping thinking of all of the things I would rather have spent that money on (I know, I am so NOT a girl sometimes), but I tried to look at the big picture. I AM a professional, and thus must look like one. I cannot go to work with ill-fitting clothes that are hanging on me due to the weight loss. Also, if I look like I care about my job, my bosses will appreciate it. If my bosses appreciate my effort, then there is a potential for a larger bonus this year. So, unfortunately, the $350 worth of clothes could equal several grand more on the annual bonus in March... It so sucks that I have to think this way. I want to live in a world where how someone is dressed does not matter. A world where my bosses would only care about the actual job that I have done, and not how I looked doing it. I try to instill this in the girls daily, and yet negate it by buying all of this new stuff to go back to work. I am a hypocrite.

The other big money that is leaving my pocket for my appearance is going to my teeth. When Leigh was two she loved the day care/pre-school that she attended. She loved it so much that she would often throw a tantrum when I would pick her up at the end of the day because she wanted to stay and play (I can't blame her, Doug and I spent a lot of time to find that day care and it was not cheap. We lived in the DC area at the time, and it was at the local University. The care takers were not uneducated individuals who chose child care over working at McDonalds. At this school, they were students of the university earning their graduates degree in early childhood education/development.) Anyway, one day I had an appointment to get to after picking her up, so did not have the time to wait through the tantrum. I attempted to get her into the car while in the middle of her HUGE fit, and she slammed the back of her head into my front two teeth. It hurt so bad that I quickly sat her in the car, shut the door, and stood outside the car for several minutes until I could control my temper. Several days later, I was checking my teeth for food in the rear view mirror of my car after eating Mexican food... the light hit my teeth just perfectly and I saw that I had a crack running the length of both my front teeth. Many, many dentists trips, and several thousand dollars later, I had front crowns that were not at risk of breaking off because I bit into a taco...

So, unfortunately, porcelain crowns only have a life span of 5-8 years. Last spring we hit five years and it was again noticed that I had cracks. I tried putting off getting them replaced, but while eating one day, a chip broke off the back of one of the crowns. I went to the dentist and began planning to have them replaced... then I found out I was pregnant and going on blood-thinners, had diabetes, etc... So the dentist and I agreed that the teeth had to wait until my health was better. This scared me a bit. Back in Kentucky, I have many family members with many broken and missing teeth... seriously, I wish I was joking. I have one crack-head brother (again, not joking) who has black decaying shells of teeth all along one side of his mouth. So, knowing how absolutely ridiculous all of those beloved (I jest) family members look with their not so glowing smiles, I became insanely protective of my front, almost broken, crowns. I have not bitten anything harder than non-crusty bread since March last year. It has worked, and my crowns have had no further damage. Unfortunately, they really can't wait any longer. My insurance approved the replacement, and last week they removed the old crowns and put on temporaries. The temps are not cute, but relatively unnoticeable if I don't do a big toothy smile. On Monday, I will get the new permanent crowns. So by Wednesday, I will be out several more grand, but at least I'll be able to bite a carrot at work should I be so inclined.