... titles are lame

I have begun many posts over the past few weeks, and have deleted each one. In them I always feel like I am complaining about my children, and I don't feel like I have a right to... as do a few other people who send me reproachful emails after doing so. For this reason (and others) I am considering going private on this blog, again. Please send me your email addresses so that I can allow you access once the blog is private. Moving on...

Christmas was fun, but not as fun as I would have liked. We are financially strapped which definitely hindered our Christmas celebrations. We began the last year thinking that we would slowly start saving to adopt again & that Doug would take on a part time accounting position, when Meron started kindergarten in the fall, to move us in that direction more quickly... The intention was to finish paying off Meron's adoption (I know how unbelievably horrible it is that I am discussing the financial responsibilities involved with adoption, I don't need the email informing me of such, thanks) and getting ourselves ready to further expand our family by slowly moving the girls rooms, saving for a mini-van, etc... saving in general.

... but then we got our surprise... NOT OUR OOPS (oops implies mistake, which drives me crazy... oops implies that there were measures taken to prevent pregnancy, which is not the case... oops implies unwanted, which could not be further from the truth).

So, the girls rooms had to move much more quickly and with much less budget (actually no budget) than we had hoped. This bothers me. As a kid, I had so many dreams for what my room could be and I had always planned to allow my kids freedom with their rooms as far as decorating and furniture. This last year showed me a little insight to how my mother must have felt when I would browse through catalogues informing her of how I needed to redo my room. As it stands, I did the best with their rooms that I could, with the money that we had. Are they perfect? No. Are they individualized? A little.

The lack of a mini-van, or similarly sized vehicle, is hindering us. I have never wanted a mini-van. I just really do not like large vehicles. I don't like the way they look; I don't like the way they ride (hello, motion sickness); I really despise their fuel economy... but when you have two dogs, three kids and a fourth child (Leigh's BFF, Caitlyn) that is with you most weekends, vacations, and half of the summer, it becomes necessary to obtain a larger vehicle. Now some may say just leave Caitlyn behind, but that will not happen. She is loved by the entire family as if she were one of our children. It actually pains both Doug and I when we do not get to spend time with her... So, mini-van it is... or isn't, because we can not afford it... at all.

My and Ben's medical bills have put us in a situation for which we were not prepared financially. When I became pregnant we were aware that I would need more medical attention than the average pregnant woman, but we had not realized how many issues I would actually have. Unfortunately, each of those many issues cost a great deal, and combined they cost nearly as much as an international adoption. We will be able to dig ourselves out of it, but it has (and will) take some major cut backs on our parts.

So this past Christmas, Doug's entire family was in Florida at his parents house, but we were not. We were not because it was not possible for us to fit our dogs, kids, and things into my car to drive down there to be with them. Some may ask, why not put the dogs in a kennel... and the answer, of course, is money. Some may also ask, why not rent a van... that answer is also money. We celebrated Christmas at home. I think the girls enjoyed Christmas day, but were bored much of the rest of the two weeks off from school. Normally, days off from school are filled with trips and outings around the Atlanta area, but this year that wasn't possible, either. The weather was pretty disgusting, either really rainy, or really cold, and most of the indoor outings (is that an oxymoron?) cost money. So we tried to come up with things for them to enjoy at home, which was not well appreciated and usually ended with substantial amounts of attitude. Also, because there is such a vast difference in the girls' interests, it has been very difficult for us to come up with activities they could both enjoy, and neither sister was willing to compromise with the other... for the entire two weeks. Needless to say, when it was time for them to go back to school on the fifth, both Doug and I were ready.

All of this is compounded by the fact that Doug and I are functioning with very little sleep. Ben has colic... all of the time. He is happy, if not comfortable, when he is held. Unfortunately, he is mostly inconsolable if he is not held. I love holding him, but it would be nice if he would just sleep in his crib or bassinet a few hours a day. Luckily, there are two of us, but once I go back to work it will get substantially more difficult.

My posts should be more frequent in the future. I have been severely admonished, by someone I love and trust dearly, about being too introverted. I vowed to work on this, and my blog is something that is worth putting more effort into...