maybe tomorrow

I am hanging out at the hospital waiting for each of Ben's feeding times. It is so amazing to get to hold, feed, and snuggle him. I think a lot of people are really stressed when in the situation that we find ourselves in currently, but I have to admit that I am really happy. I really had not even thought of having another baby... Not even for the first few months of this pregnancy. I just didn't think the baby would make it. As time went on, and I didn't miscarry, I became terrified of losing the baby... of something going wrong. It has been one of the more stressful times of my life... to want something so badly, and have almost no control over the outcome... to know that at any moment my body could reject the pregnancy... I think that was the hardest part; knowing that if something did go wrong it would be my body that caused it and I had no control over what my body may do...

But, that is all over now. Ben is here and he is very healthy. His only issue, at this point, is that he is a lazy feeder. This is to be expected because he was born at such a young gestational age (36 weeks). It's almost like he had no clue that he was actually supposed to eat. He has really caught on since yesterday, and he eats almost his whole bottle with out much prompting or intervention.

There are other families here at the hospital that are in the same situation with their new little ones, and they are beside themselves with worry and fear. I am not sure why or how I am so okay with all that is going on, why there is no stress associated with this situation... I think it really does come down to my current mindset. I feel lucky; unbelievably lucky. Lucky to have the family that I have, lucky that my sweet little boy has nothing wrong with him, lucky that we chose such amazing doctors, lucky that my sweet baby will be coming home in the next couple of days.